perfect lyrics - perfect girl

I have not found a better song that fits to explain just exactly how i feel.

Thank you to Sarah McLachlan

Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong

In your reverie a perfect girl

Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool

All your expectations bury me

I own my insecurities I try to own my destiny

That I can make or break it if I choose

But you take my words and twist them 'round

Til I'm the one who brings you down

Make me feel like I'm the one to blame for all of this...

You need everybody with you on your side

Know that I am here for you but I hope in time

You'll find yourself alright alone

You'll find yourself with open arms

You'll find yourself you'll find yourself in time

The riot in my heart decides to keep me open and alive

I have to take myself away from you

'Cause I can't compete I can't deny there's nothing that I didn't try

How did I go wrong in loving you

Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go

Give yourself some time to falter

But don't forgo know that you're loved no matter what

And everything will come around in time

prayer

It's a funny thing about prayer, you may just get exactly what you are asking for, literally.  I read a book about a man who asked God over and over to 'just open my heart up' and finally that is exactly what he had happen.  Flat out on the ER table, open heart surgery.  Although my story is not nearly as dramatic as that one, it does come with a similar byline.  Be careful what you pray for because it might just be taken care of for you by the Big Guy himself.
I'm not saying it wouldn't have happened without my diligent words spoken whenever I found the thought crossing my mind.  I am just pointing out the mere coincidence of events that have transpired since I began this little prayer, oh right about that time when things started to change and I don't mean the weather.  I can be candid about this because the realization of knowing the unspoken is such a relief I could only be sad for about 10 minutes.  And I am sure in the time ahead, I will be sadder yet, but for right now I kind of want to marvel in the power of prayer.
I talk to God quite often, but find I save my most worrisome prayers for church and having a few extra bodies with me for Him to see once in a while seemed to add some passion to my prayers!
 A little over a year ago, I had a long heart to heart talk with a good friend of mine whose faith has never wavered since the day she was born.  I was at a confusing part of my life and asked for help, she told me to stop praying for those that won't help themselves and pray for those that don't know how.  There is a difference and I saw that as she was saying it.  So, the next time I would have said my same prayer, I modified it and instantly felt this shift inside me.  I don't necessarily mean I felt God inside of me, but more that I had aligned myself back in the direction I should be in.  (I sometimes tend to wander off the path of life) The prayer flowed so easily from me, and it was so simple!  Almost immediately life began to change around me as if to say, well thanks for noticing and welcome back.  A year later, I say this prayer as often as I ever have and it's more of a reminder to me now than anything.
It's now been a solid 4 months since my new prayer and although I did once again feel that shift in me, it wasn't as nice and pleasant as the one I had felt a year ago.  I think it's because somewhere that something that makes you want to sneeze but then you don't, did a twinge and I knew without a doubt this was a changing prayer.  Although helping people who don't know how to help themselves doesn't always come with a good, warm, fuzzy feeling in the beginning, knowing that in the future life will be better for all involved makes it just a little more bearable.  So tonight, I will be okay, and tomorrow too.  But maybe not the next day or the next week.  If you see me with the lost little look, I'm trying to find my way again on the path of life I've been given.

simplicity

the ease of a smile,
  the simple happiness,
    the way we connect;
    the way they connect,
      the conversation,
        the simplicity of us
 is what makes us, genuine

my heart

I gave you my heart, I gave you all I had to give.  I smiled when you took it and saw the look in your eyes when you let it fall slowly from your grasp.  As I leaned in to catch it you turned and slowly walked away.   It was real for you until you realized, to late, I was willing to give my life to you and you couldn't do the same. I hurt more for you than for me. I've learned to be strong, it's not your time yet.
The beginning was our end, the small smiles never grew for you, even when you pushed for more, you couldn't accept what I was beginning to offer. The half hearted attempts show your resolve crumbling through.
Some days I am not ready to admit what I see; some days I let you fade from sight and allow that bit of sorrow to find me.  For me feeling all the good, all the bad, all the sadness it makes me whole and who I am.  You can't do that, you don't allow yourself to feel.  The advice falls on deaf ears, I cry tears that don't come knowing I've always seen this day as if I was looking backwards through a telescope.
The music plays quietly in the background and I hope you find peace with your struggles.  I truly love you, I will always love you, but not enough to help save you from you.

it's just life

Life happens whether I want it to or not.  Seems the older I get the faster time flies, or maybe it's that I long to hold onto the moments of life for longer.  Some days, which was is up? Some days, wow this was one of the greatest days of my life!  I have learned to treasure each moment has it happens; instead of trying to bottle it up, let it go and enjoy life in the moment rather than wishing to have it happen again.
It's winter and in the past I've been known to be crabby most of the time, waiting for the sun to shine, the air to warm up, and the happiness to flow forth.  I've decided instead this time (and with a bit of help from the mild winter we have had so far) to look at my winter life with a view of relaxed peace and in doing so, have found this winter to be a bit more bearable.  I know I am only here on earth for a short while and am learning to take life each day as it comes, filling it with excitement and having a smile for me and the world.

this time of year

The Holidays come whether we want them to or not.  It's a time to accept our family and friends, the good and the bad as a huge part of our lives.  Without family who would I be? Probably someone I don't like all that much.  I am me in due part because of my family.  We may be spread across invisible borders, we may be spread from one ocean to the next, but the love that is felt this holiday season has made me smile from the inside out.  The tears I have shed are of happiness and gratitude.
I have the most amazing mother in the whole world.  We were not always close, but it's time like this where I reflect on just how fantastic of a job she did at raising me and teaching me to respect myself, and now helping me to raise my little girl. I've got morals, I've got expectations of how I should live my life and how others should treat me.  I love my little girl and know my mom loves her just as much as I do. This holiday season i spent quality time with my brother and his wife and thoroughly enjoyed myself.   My little bro, he's amazing! He spent his Christmas with his fiance' out in the middle of a hut over the water with no electricity, just the two of them.  Just an amazing bond the two of them must have created.  Today though, today was special.  I helped to make someone fee loved, cherished and appreciated in the span of two hours.  I listened, laughed, cried and hugged.
Acceptance is huge, just as huge as forgiveness.  I may not approve of everything someone does or says, but accepting them for who they are, making someone smile and reconnecting with a lost soul is such a wonderful feeling.
The holidays are about giving, today I gave a great gift and didn't have to spend a cent to make this gift appear.  Being thoughtful and kind shouldn't have to happen only during the holidays, it should carry through the entire year.  My New Year's last year, I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish throughout the year and, with the exception of journaling on a regular basis, I have done them all.  This year, I am making a list of accomplishments again and hope to add one, keep the love throughout the year.  It's going to be difficult, but I have faith in myself and I believe that I am doing all i can do to be the best person I know I am.
Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Jesus.  Without you, none of us could have done it!

shared

I have never shared a  link on here, but felt this should be read by anyone who reads my blog:

http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.