perfect lyrics - perfect girl

I have not found a better song that fits to explain just exactly how i feel.

Thank you to Sarah McLachlan

Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong

In your reverie a perfect girl

Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool

All your expectations bury me

I own my insecurities I try to own my destiny

That I can make or break it if I choose

But you take my words and twist them 'round

Til I'm the one who brings you down

Make me feel like I'm the one to blame for all of this...

You need everybody with you on your side

Know that I am here for you but I hope in time

You'll find yourself alright alone

You'll find yourself with open arms

You'll find yourself you'll find yourself in time

The riot in my heart decides to keep me open and alive

I have to take myself away from you

'Cause I can't compete I can't deny there's nothing that I didn't try

How did I go wrong in loving you

Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go

Give yourself some time to falter

But don't forgo know that you're loved no matter what

And everything will come around in time

prayer

It's a funny thing about prayer, you may just get exactly what you are asking for, literally.  I read a book about a man who asked God over and over to 'just open my heart up' and finally that is exactly what he had happen.  Flat out on the ER table, open heart surgery.  Although my story is not nearly as dramatic as that one, it does come with a similar byline.  Be careful what you pray for because it might just be taken care of for you by the Big Guy himself.
I'm not saying it wouldn't have happened without my diligent words spoken whenever I found the thought crossing my mind.  I am just pointing out the mere coincidence of events that have transpired since I began this little prayer, oh right about that time when things started to change and I don't mean the weather.  I can be candid about this because the realization of knowing the unspoken is such a relief I could only be sad for about 10 minutes.  And I am sure in the time ahead, I will be sadder yet, but for right now I kind of want to marvel in the power of prayer.
I talk to God quite often, but find I save my most worrisome prayers for church and having a few extra bodies with me for Him to see once in a while seemed to add some passion to my prayers!
 A little over a year ago, I had a long heart to heart talk with a good friend of mine whose faith has never wavered since the day she was born.  I was at a confusing part of my life and asked for help, she told me to stop praying for those that won't help themselves and pray for those that don't know how.  There is a difference and I saw that as she was saying it.  So, the next time I would have said my same prayer, I modified it and instantly felt this shift inside me.  I don't necessarily mean I felt God inside of me, but more that I had aligned myself back in the direction I should be in.  (I sometimes tend to wander off the path of life) The prayer flowed so easily from me, and it was so simple!  Almost immediately life began to change around me as if to say, well thanks for noticing and welcome back.  A year later, I say this prayer as often as I ever have and it's more of a reminder to me now than anything.
It's now been a solid 4 months since my new prayer and although I did once again feel that shift in me, it wasn't as nice and pleasant as the one I had felt a year ago.  I think it's because somewhere that something that makes you want to sneeze but then you don't, did a twinge and I knew without a doubt this was a changing prayer.  Although helping people who don't know how to help themselves doesn't always come with a good, warm, fuzzy feeling in the beginning, knowing that in the future life will be better for all involved makes it just a little more bearable.  So tonight, I will be okay, and tomorrow too.  But maybe not the next day or the next week.  If you see me with the lost little look, I'm trying to find my way again on the path of life I've been given.

simplicity

the ease of a smile,
  the simple happiness,
    the way we connect;
    the way they connect,
      the conversation,
        the simplicity of us
 is what makes us, genuine

my heart

I gave you my heart, I gave you all I had to give.  I smiled when you took it and saw the look in your eyes when you let it fall slowly from your grasp.  As I leaned in to catch it you turned and slowly walked away.   It was real for you until you realized, to late, I was willing to give my life to you and you couldn't do the same. I hurt more for you than for me. I've learned to be strong, it's not your time yet.
The beginning was our end, the small smiles never grew for you, even when you pushed for more, you couldn't accept what I was beginning to offer. The half hearted attempts show your resolve crumbling through.
Some days I am not ready to admit what I see; some days I let you fade from sight and allow that bit of sorrow to find me.  For me feeling all the good, all the bad, all the sadness it makes me whole and who I am.  You can't do that, you don't allow yourself to feel.  The advice falls on deaf ears, I cry tears that don't come knowing I've always seen this day as if I was looking backwards through a telescope.
The music plays quietly in the background and I hope you find peace with your struggles.  I truly love you, I will always love you, but not enough to help save you from you.

it's just life

Life happens whether I want it to or not.  Seems the older I get the faster time flies, or maybe it's that I long to hold onto the moments of life for longer.  Some days, which was is up? Some days, wow this was one of the greatest days of my life!  I have learned to treasure each moment has it happens; instead of trying to bottle it up, let it go and enjoy life in the moment rather than wishing to have it happen again.
It's winter and in the past I've been known to be crabby most of the time, waiting for the sun to shine, the air to warm up, and the happiness to flow forth.  I've decided instead this time (and with a bit of help from the mild winter we have had so far) to look at my winter life with a view of relaxed peace and in doing so, have found this winter to be a bit more bearable.  I know I am only here on earth for a short while and am learning to take life each day as it comes, filling it with excitement and having a smile for me and the world.