with heat, rain causes a flourish

I've noticed this summer, so far, is exactly what I have been craving!  Long heat filled, sunny days with hardly any rain and just enough of a breeze to gently move my daughter's hair.  Although my grass is brown and I add water in the pool each night, I have been living in a hazy bliss of happiness.  Until about a week ago I remembered the flowers and the vegetables!  The center garden was beginning to droop and the edges on the bee bombs were curling and turning black.  Thankfully I seemed to have remembered in enough time to prevent anything from dying off due to lack of rain.  I have been watering diligently in the evenings as I listen to the crickets and frogs not too far off, waiting for me to finish so they too can cool off.  And, as luck would have it, the flowers look wonderful and both the tomatoes and pumpkins are thriving!
I've realized, just like the flowers need both the rain and heat, I need some rain to counter my own heat.  For far too long I have created my life to suit my needs, I haven't wilted when life became too hot.  Instead I laced up my shoes and ran.  And though thought provoking, this realization has come at an opportune time in my life.  I have stood up for what I want and what I believe I can achieve in life only to realize I was the only one who was sure in the relationship of heat and rain.  Some may say I was unfair, some may say more time should be given.
Historically, I spent six years! SIX (oh my was my head not in the game back then) long years ignoring my needs and wants to appease someone else, all the while waiting  for the life I thought we wanted to begin.  Once I realized this was a fantasy that was never coming true I had to find the courage to move on.
Then came the most difficult part in my adult life thus far, I was free to figure me out.  This proved to be four long and trying, tear-filled (both stressful and happy) accomplished years.  Happily I can say I am well on my way to knowing what I want out of life.  The path I have chosen seems to be mostly on with His path; sometimes I stray but I do seem to always find my way back.  Today, I'm back on the path; but not without leaving a piece of me with someone who doesn't have the strength just yet to follow what's already inside.

i want to grow old

...with someone who has loved me since the moment he met me.  He will look at me and just know that in 50 years we will be sitting in rocking chairs on our outside wrap around porch, overlooking the acres of land and holding hands.  We will reminisce over all the years we have shared, the good, the bad, the fun, the smiles, the laughter and tears.
I heard tonight, it's an honor to grow old and an even bigger honor to be able to share that with someone else.  I sat back and thought about just how true that is.  My parents were completely head over heels in love with one another and would have made it through all the toughness us children had put them through.  In just a few short months, both would be sitting in their chairs sharing the stories.  Even though my dad isn't here to share that with my mom in the physical aspect, i believe he's here and sharing each joy and tear with her.
Happiness is what you make of it.  Without the day to day happiness shared from the person you love, what is the point in loving? And then, is it love or is it an adjusted behavior toward what is comforting?
Taking the first step into finding out who I am, what I want and how to achieve it is sometimes an overwhelming thought that can take me drifting for hours.
Happiness is grown and cultivated over years of hard work, lots of love and great trust. There is give, there is push and there is agreement.  I've got my opinion on how I want to live my life, I've created the mold and now I've got to find the right mix that will meld together and harden into old and gray on the porch in a rocking chair. Together.