wherever i may be

It doesn't seem to matter what I am doing, yesterday was riding in the car and tonight while making oatmeal cookies, I find my thoughts wandering to you.  where are you?  What are you doing now at this very moment while I am baking?  It's not usually a big thought, but you pop in and out at such completely random times I have a tendency to wonder if it's because you too are randomly thinking of me.  We both know that happens often enough.

I am not resigned, that is not the right word.  I actually loathe the word, tying it to something I would not look forward to doing.  I would say more than anything I am at peace with the decisions I have made in the past few weeks.  The decision to see what my future will hold here, and just hope for the best.  I want the white horse, I want to castle on top of the ocean and the fairy tale ending.  But I am realizing that perhaps I am living in my own fairy tale, looking for my own castle on top of an ocean that only I can see.

it's all about the game

She tried to be nonchalant walking behind her daughter, having her
walk toward the coach to hand back her tag from the previous game she
coached and attempted to walk back toward her blanket.  Oh, but he was
a step ahead of her having her keep it only to take it and place it
around her neck with a knowing smile, following it with the words she
longed but dreaded to hear, you can keep this for the rest of the
season, Coach.

It was an amazing rush to be back on the sidelines, knowing for the
rest of the season she was back as one of them, but not in the lead.
She was able to do it for the fun of it, ignore the parents and let
the head Coach take care of those issues.  The love of the game was
back in her grasp.   Next week, she’ll be prepared, flip flops will be
left in the car, jeans swapped for yoga pants, hat instead of
sunglasses, and her infamous pink watch to guide her throughout the
game.