It doesn't seem to matter what I am doing, yesterday was riding in the car and tonight while making oatmeal cookies, I find my thoughts wandering to you. where are you? What are you doing now at this very moment while I am baking? It's not usually a big thought, but you pop in and out at such completely random times I have a tendency to wonder if it's because you too are randomly thinking of me. We both know that happens often enough.
I am not resigned, that is not the right word. I actually loathe the word, tying it to something I would not look forward to doing. I would say more than anything I am at peace with the decisions I have made in the past few weeks. The decision to see what my future will hold here, and just hope for the best. I want the white horse, I want to castle on top of the ocean and the fairy tale ending. But I am realizing that perhaps I am living in my own fairy tale, looking for my own castle on top of an ocean that only I can see.
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