I stayed in tonight, my one night every other week that i am not with Emma. In the beginning it was so hard. I would cry and cry knowing she wasn't with me. But as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. And it does. It has taught me i am a better mom for giving Emma the chance to be with her dad. And, it has enabled me to find myself, who I am and who I want to be.
Tonight, with a glass of wine, some corn dip and comfy clothing, i watched 'Nights in Rodanthe' and I cried. I hurt for the pain of losing someone who has given themselves so completely to someone else that mourning is brought to a level i hope i will never have to bear witness to.
I learned more about me tonight.
I learned I will hold out.
I learned I want someone to love me so much it hurts in the way that it feels good.
I learned I won't go back.
I learned I am strong enough to be home, alone, without Emma and cry not because she isn't with me, but because I watched a good movie that touched my soul and made me feel things I haven't allowed myself to feel in a long time.
I learned I can still love.
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